a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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