Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
