I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
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It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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