I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
