i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
