I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
