you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
