The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
