At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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