Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
