My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
