She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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