sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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