worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
