Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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