Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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