so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
