I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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