I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
