You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
