WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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