I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
