It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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