chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
