I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
