I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nicole vs. Life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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