Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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