How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
