Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
