her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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