someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
