1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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