I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
