Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Congratulations! We have a period
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