They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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