Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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