i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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