TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Randomize
