do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
