Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
