her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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