wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
