she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
