How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
