So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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