Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
