living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
