My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
