I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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