I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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