Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize