Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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