i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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