I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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