Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
