I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I supernannyed him into submission
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
