He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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