just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
