i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
