i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
