its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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