I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
