I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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