He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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