i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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