Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think i have two assholes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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