Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
