Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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