i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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