I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
