cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
